Naruto characters being stupid
by Cster
Summary: I am not making fun of anyone or anything this is strictly comedy. Have ended this segment due to lack of interest. Hope everyone gets a good laugh.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Here's the result of a random streak that I went on

A/N: Here's the result of a random streak that I went on. There will be a chapter of each Naruto character saying extremely funny things. Any suggestions/criticism is welcome I also did not copy from other sites, before someone asks. Enjoy! 

Naruto-Hey Sasuke

Sasuke-Yeah, best friend who I love more than being an avenger?

Naruto-Your stupid Uchiha self and Suckura can go make babies, and I won't care, nope.

Naruto-Tsunade-sama, I think the title of Hokage is pointless, oh yeah and being a ninja sucks.

Naruto-Sasuke stay with the sound ninja; and be Oro's bitch I don't really care.

Naruto-Can I eat some vegetables, I'm tired of this ramen bullsht!

Naruto-Hey Kisame, Hey, over here! BIG HUGS!!

Naruto-Headbands look better with a scratch through them. Hee hee evil grin

Naruto-You know, Orochimaru is actually not that bad once you get to, uh know him.

Naruto-Jirayia-sama, training bores me. When can I have a break?

Naruto-CHIDORI!!

Naruto-Hey, Gai-sensei can I PULEASE wear the spandex, come on…it's freakin awesome; way better than this stupid orange jumpsuit thing.

Naruto-Screw you Sakura; Ino's way hotter!!

Naruto-Hinata, what the hell, just spit it out already because I don't have time for you to stand around stuttering all the time!

Naruto-I wish I was an Uchiha……

Naruto-Haku is one hot mofo….

Naruto- How your doin?? lmao

Naruto (to Sakura) Dang baby do you want some fries to go with that shake?!

Naruto-(extremely high pitched voice) Lyke, ppl I wanna so freakin be on American Idol because I'm like cool and shit, duh!

Naruto- Get lost Gamabunta; Manda's cooler anyway.

Naruto-Kakashi I don't care what your true face looks like, why don't you just do us all a favor and get plastic surgery so you'll look like Gaara-kun.

Naruto-Hey Sai you are my all time bestest friend even though you're a n00b

Naruto-(bursts into song while breakdancing) ah 2 step now everybody go da 2 step.

A/N: Well that's all for Naruto I hope you enjoyed it. I'll add some more later. Any tips on ways to make it funnier or suggestions as to what characters you wanna see are graciously accepted.

Cster 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey, my computer's messed up but here's the next chapter

A/N: Here's chapter 2!

Disclaimer: Naruto is not and never will be mine. cries my eyes out

Sasuke-Hey Itachi (glomps him) I love you so freakin much. Is it can be hug time now pease?!

Sasuke-Sakura be my wifey!! NOW!

Sasuke-Kakashi-kun, you're my favoritest sensei eva!

Sasuke-Whoa, Orochimaru can I hold your snake?

Sasuke-I'm gonna get my hair cut like Lee's and be Gai's next youthful student.

Sasuke-I'm in love with Brittany freakin Spears.

Sasuke-my little pony, my little pony….

Sasuke-Itachi! You SOB where the fudge is my collectable princess Barbie doll?!

Sasuke-Naruto, um...(snort laugh) Can I tell you something?

Naruto-okay whatever

Sasuke-XYZ!! (ROFL)

Sasuke (to Itachi & the rest of Akatsuki)- I love yo new pad bruh it almost as fly as Lil Romeo's, word!

Sasuke-I'm a hippie!

Sasuke-What's the point in trying to get power? Heck, the energizer bunny's got enough to go around!

Sasuke-Coffee's GREAT! COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE

Sasuke-Kabuto, my main man (gives him a high five) What's happenin?


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Wow, this is by far the longest an update has EVER taken me

A/N: Wow, this is by far the longest an update has EVER taken me. Frankly, I'm not even sure if anyone's still following this but I enjoy writing it so it will be finished. Now where exactly was I…

Disclaimer-I have to disclaim don't I?

Sakura's turn

Sakura-Hey Sasuke you are a complete and total idiot and I hate you immensely. In fact, do everyone a favor and leave with Orochimaru and never come back.

Sakura-Tsunade you are a damn drunken moron and a lame teacher!

Sakura- Lee-kun, blushes, wanna um…date.

Sakura-Sasuke, your brother Itachi-kun is WAY sexier than you. In fact I think I'll abandon Konoha just to be with him, see ya.

Jirayia attempts to pick Sakura up

J-man-Heya, baby what is up?

Sakura-Oh pervy-kun I adore you. Let's go to your house and have some ergh fun.

Sakura- kicks Shizune while hugging Ino. "I hate you and your freakin pig and quit trying to hang out with Tsunade she hates your guts."

Sakura-Naruto, I'm sorry for going for Sasuke like a moron let's date. Besides I'm way prettier than Hinata, right?

Sakura walks up behind Sai and slaps him on the butt, "Son, what are you workin with?"

Sai-grabs Sakura and begins making out with her.

Sakura-joins Akatsuki

Naruto-"Why did you do it Sakura, I mean what the hell?"

Sakura-"Oh they had better taste in clothing my dear."

Naruto-deadpans "Is that the only reason?"

Sakura-"Duh Naruto!" Laughs then walks away.

Sakura gets drunk and sings karaoke in front of the entire leaf village while singing apple bottom jeans. Enough said.

Sakura goes to a bar gets picked up by Genma who continuously tries to take advantage of her. She is rescued by Gai-sama.

Kakashi-Sakura, um…blushing.."What is your opinion on older men and younger women dating?"

Sakura-smiles "Works for me.

Orochimaru-Would you like to join me Sakura?" said in a hissing tone of voice.

Sakura-OMG I love mysterious snake men "I'll follow you forever!!"

Tsunade-"What on earth Sakura how could you steal my man?" "That's just wrong on so many levels!"

Sakura-hangs all over Jirayia "Tsunade you're way too old to get a decent man."

Jirayia agrees dazedly.

Sakura bitch slaps Sasuke "You suck!"

Sakura-eats a junk load of random food, so much so that Chouji is grossed out.

Chouji-"What is with you today Sakura?"

Sakura-acts like a total ditz "Nothing really just pregnant."

Chouji-almost passes out "Who's the-"

Sakura-without missing a beat "Gaara."

Kakashi-"What's with you Sakura, your mission performance has been a bit shoddy lately."

Sakura-"I just can't stop looking at that hottie?"

Kakashi-looks around and seeing no one but Naruto asks who.

Naruto randomly takes his shirt off.

Sakura passes out.

Kakashi slaps his forehead and sweatdrops.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I've changed my style a bit

**A/N: I've changed my style a bit. Hope the readers like. **

**Disclaimer: I do not and will never own Naruto, Masashi has all authority over it.**

Tsunade-"Hey Jirayia."

Jirayia-"Yeah, ugly?"

Tsunade-"I'm giving up drinking, permanently."

Orochimaru starts drinking heavily with Shizune as his "partner".

Kakashi kills Jiraiya because he thinks porn is a bad influence.

Deidara shaves his head.

Sasori-"Dei-chan, Dei-chan, guess what?"

Deidara-has turned cannibalistic and is currently feeding on a live chicken

Sasori-"I hate art!"

Orochimaru-"Manda, you suck, go die, no in fact I'll handle this myself." Stabs Manda with a pointy thingy. Pitchfork

Itachi dyes his hair blonde and becomes the new Fabio.

Sakura-"Naruto, wanna go eat ramen?"

Naruto-I can't Sakura I'm studying."

Sasuke-flirts with Tsunade in order to get back into the leaf village "Hey baby."

Tsunade- "Sure hot stuff, what the heck?"

Orochimaru grows a moustache and Jiraiya gets excited about the bowl cut.

Gai-"Lee take off that ridiculous outfit, you look uber lame!"

Lee-"Thanks Gai-sensei my junk was just dying in there!"

Sakura-"Water dragon jutsu!"

Kisame-fights Itachi "Fireball jutsu."

Itachi-interrupts "But like fish dude ummm you don't know that one right?"

Itachi-gets owned by Kisame, a secret brother of the sharingan's jutsu

Shizune-"Tsunade-sama, I found something WAY better than beer, sake!"

Tsunade-all interested "What!?"

Shizune-pulls out secret stash of cocaine while grinning "Illegals!!"

Kakashi is dancing

Gai-"Kaka-kun, you're pretty loose tonight, huh?"

The whole leaf village stares mouths open as Kakashi dances nude.

Naruto walks up completely blinged out, "What is up brodas?" He can barely talk with his new grill in.

Sakura-flips out, "I love you gangsta boi!!" glomps him

Naruto, "Whoa chillax, and don't touch the jacket! I paid good money for this."

Pein gets on the computer-"Hey Zetsu come and check this out."

Zetsu looks, "Yuck what the hell is that?"

Pein-"All of my forms and Konan."

Zetsu-dies

Kakashi-"Okay guys I'm fed up with you all trying to look at my face." Takes mask off

Sasuke and Sakura pass out in shock.

Naruto-"That's all you got? I guessed years ago that you wore pink lipstick."

Naruto-"Being a ninja is lame!"

Iruka-"You're tellin me! But hey at least we can sell the headbands for some money."

Mizuki-"I love being a ninja and I just can't wait to become Hokage."

Sarutobi-"If you wanted it that bad, you should have said something earlier." Hands Mizuki his hat and outfit. "Made me look like a bouncer anyway."

Mizuki-wears hat and outfit grins hilariously "Does this mean-?"

Sarutobi-"Yes, yes, you're Hokage now. Okay, turns to Anko, "Does this town have any good bars?"

Mizuki runs off into a sunrise yelling "I'm Hokage!" while Sarutobi and Anko use Ichiraku as a bar.


	5. Chapter 5

Lee grows his hair out long and runs to Orochimaru.

"Oro-sensei. I have killed Gai and betrayed the Leaf Village." uses emotionless tone, think Sai here people.

Orochimaru rolls his eyes and yells at him, "I told you I was just joking about being a supervillain. What a moron! I can't believe you fell for that shit."

Lee brushes him off. "Okay, so are there any ladies in the vicinity who want me to work it in spandex?"

Tayuya steps up.

Kimimaru looks mad and cracks his knuckles.

Lee-"Oh shi-"

Lee owns Kimimaru in five seconds.

"Kabuto clean up this mess." Lee is all business.

Orochimaru then leaves Lee and Tayuya to their fun.

Tsunade and Jiraiya switch places. In other words, she's the perverted writer and he's the drunk Hokage.

Naruto gets a sex change and ends up looking like Haku.

"Hey baby." Sasuke is trying to pick him up.

"Sasuke-kun" Naruto is flirting back, or Naruta?!

Sakura gets mad and then hooks up with Jiraiya. She yells at them "I liked older men anyway; I was just faking it!"

Jiraiya looks mad but goes with Sakura anyway thinking, _maybe this will make Ino jealous._

Manda, Katsuya, and Gamabunta have a frat party, complete with beer, drugs, etc. and invite every village. Gamatatsu is the DJ.

The Naruto characters decide to do commercials.

Naruto, "I'm doing the smiling Bob commercial!!"

Sasuke smiles widely, "I call the Wheel of Fortune one!"

Sakura, "Dirty Jobs!!" She is so excited she passes out from sheer joy.

Kakashi, "Clean, very Clean, Television, like completely G rated is my style."

Tsunade, "TLC!! I love it!"

Chouji, "Anything but the food network . All that crap looks so nasty. Cooking, cha, who needs it."

Itachi and Kisame burst into singing the "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS" theme song, complete with Tobi and Deidara making the 'pirate noises' in the background.

Pein comes out of nowhere. "Hey guys, did you know that Spongebob's face looks like a semi-erect penis from upside down?"

Everyone sweatdrops and then secretly goes home to watch Spongebob to see if it's true.

Orochimaru pops up in the middle of the theme song. And impersonates Moe from The Land Before Time saying, "Moe from big water."

Everyone has seen this movie so they think it's cool and decide to make him Hokage.

"I feel so honored." Orochimaru is crying from happiness.

Tsunade-"Don't be. I just did it for the hell of it, I mean running a village? Wtf!?"

Naruto decides to become a sensitive poem writer.

Sakura and Ino form the "I hate Sasuke the most club." They share the title of president.

Sarutobi and Jiraiya fight in the video game mortal combat; Sarutobi wins.

Tsunade marries Kakashi.

Lee finds out he's Gai's son and is so pissed he gets his name changed to Rock Hyuuga.

Kakashi decides to hit on Sakura because he can't get an older woman.

Sasuke has a problem with this and kicks his ass.

Naruto becomes so organized that when one strand of Sakura's hair is out of place he goes OCD and kills himself.

Naruto throws ramen on the ground.

Sasuke hates the name Uchiha and wishes he was Itachi.

Itachi gets a pet weasel and Kisame gets a pet fish.

Orochimaru gets a tattoo of a snake on his…well, you fill in the blank.

Tsunade becomes a prostitute.

Gaara goes streaking after publicly humiliating himself by going to a Kazekage council meeting in a panda suit.

Temari becomes Gai's number one fan girl. Ten-ten is angry because she used to hold this position but since she's too scared to fight Temari she allows herself to be demoted to second place.

Kankuro decides to wear his face paint as serious make up. Blush, eyeliner, and all.

Baki, Gaara's teacher, decides to do the happy dance in front of the entire Sand Village. He gets an encore.

Zabuza and Haku randomly pop up and everyone just parties like it's their birthday.

Kabuto wears his hair down…and Shizune liked it.

Ton ton met a boy pig and fell in love.

Pakkun found out he was a she so she and Akamaru got together and had puppies!

Sai discovers his emotions and decides to ask for Ino's hand in marriage. She refuses.

Gamabunta, Gamatatsu, and Gamakichi form a rap group dubbed "Frogz in Da Pond." Ebisu is the band manager.

Kisame smiles cutely and screams "I'm pretty!!" in front of the entire Akatsuki, including Madara.

Madara removes his mask, "You see everyone, my true identity is… The McDonalds's guy! Ronald McDonald!"

Everyone in Akatsuki passes out because he is their worst nightmares.

Hinata and Shino decide to act like Team Rocket from Pokemon. "Prepare for trouble and make it doub- Oh crap! We need a meowth!" Hinata kidnaps Akamaru and dresses him up in a cat suit. They then contiue their disfunctional cosplay.

"Naruto, what's your favorite book?" Iruka is asking the entire academy what their favorite novels are.

In preppy voice-"Oh my goodness. I adore Of Mice and Men. It's my effin life." Pulls out a pastel nail file and glittery hairbrush and begins filing his nails and brushing his hair.

Lee buys a huge hippie van and writes, "Gai is gay" on it in big bold letters. He drives it through Konoha and hits random people. He gets 300 yen for each pedestrian he kills.

Sasuke discovers Subway. "Five dollar foot long!"

Tsunade-"I'm opening a new store."

Sasuke and Naruto-"Squeal!!"

Sakura-"Damn I hate shopping."

Ino-"Agreed."

They go do something more interesting like punch babies or be dudes.

Tsunade-"It's called Kunais R Us."

Naruto and Sasuke-cries "We wanted a new clothing store!"

Chouji and Shikamaru are hanging out. Chouji is currently obsessed with Star Wars (episode one).

Shikamaru-"Hey Chouji what's with the shirt? Is that a blob with a face?"

Chouji-"Shika-sama, I'm offended! Everyone, including Tsunade knows about Java the Hut."

Shikamaru-doesn't say anything

Chouji (goes starry eyed)-"He's my new hero." snaps out of it. He yells, "Get used to it!" at Shikamaru.

Shikamaru-starts smoking a joint and singing a song about LSD, completely tuning Chouji out.

Sakura becomes a playboy bunni and hooks up with Sasori who's a serious pimp.

Sasuke throws a piece of trash on the ground.

"Sasuke!! What are you doing?! You're killing the trees and environment. I'm so telling Tsunade-baa." Sakura screams while wearing a save the trees wipe your ass with an owl shirt.

Shino walks up just you know actin all fresh. Sakura runs up to him, "Shino, she glares sharply at him, are those sunglasses made with 100 organic materials?"

Anko throws a banana peel on the ground. Sakura forgets that bananas are biodegradable so she stabs Anko repeatedly with an owl. Realizing her mistake, she goes and releases the owl into the wild, telling Kiba to clean up the mess.


	6. Chapter 6

Orochimaru gets an ipod. His favorite band is the Spicy Chi-Mos. He is currently listening to their newest hit I want your baby.

"Oro-chan, what does Spicy Chi-Mos mean?" Kabuto asks timidly because if he offends his sensei, Orochimaru will force him to watch hours of the teletubbies unrated.

"Oh, Kabu-chan! You must get into the hot new craze! Don't you know, it means child molesters on the prowl?" Orochimaru replies gleefully.

"Um, I'm going to go wash the dog, okay?" Kabuto makes a smooth exit.

Orochimaru continues jamming out to his favorite band for another 20 minutes then he hits the pause button, looking confused. "Wait a minute," he says out loud though he is alone, "we don't own a dog. Or do we?" dun dun dun

"Hey Gaara, check this bro." Kankuro motions for his little brother to come over to look at something on his cellular device.

"Dude, that's hardcore." Gaara is stoned presently as he watches the unsightly video, what's going on isn't really registering.

Temari notices the commotion and goes over to see what's so alluring. "Kankuro," Temari looks really creepy, "how many times have I told you not to look at Family Guy smut without me?"

The three then yell together, "Family Guy Night in the Sand Village!"

Ino goes to a psychiatrist, Dr. Phil, who is actually the Joker in disguise. Disguise, as in, the only thing different about him is he is wearing a lab coat with a name tag that has Dr. P written in crayon, Crayola style.

"So, Ino, right?" Dr. P consults his papers. "What exactly is going on? Describe this occurrence in more detail please." _Man this is hilarious!_ The Joker laughs psychotically to himself.

Ino's eyes are bloodshot and dart around as if she is paranoid. "I get in people's heads." She says in all seriousness. Ino hasn't come to grips with her new jutsu. She thinks she has lost her mind.

The fake psychiatrist prescribes a drug costing 2 billion dollars and tells her to come back for a refill.

Suddenly, Ino realizes the blunder. "Dude! You are the Joker!" The fact that she just paid a buttload of money is immediately forgotten.

At first the culprit looks embarrassed, then she asks for his autograph. He gets out a pen and paper but she throws it on the ground.

"I demand a tattoo." Ino looked feral.

"Why didn't you say so to begin with?" The Joker grins pulling a tattoo gun from out of thin air and tattoos 'To my adoring fan Ino-pig' on her neck.

Ino leaves her pills and sprints back to the Leaf Village screaming the whole way there, "I met the Joker!"

Tsunade overhears drops everything she is doing, grabs a sake bottle and races towards the Joker.

Kakashi stops her on the way there. "Tsunade-hoe, I didn't know you had a thing for the Joker. And what's with the empty sake bottle?"

Tsunade looks all serious as she replies calmly, "I don't but I have fantasies about the penguin all of the time. And I want him to write something on my lucky sake bottle."

She runs along.

Kakashi just stands around looking out of it when he sees a pop diva.

"Oh hey, Brittany. Wanna see a movie?"

"Sure, Ka-baby."

Sasuke and Naruto are in a face off.

They both yell "Pokeball go!" at the same time.

AshNaruto; GarySasuke.

Lapras comes out of Naruto's ball. Magikarp is revealed as Sasuke's choice.

"Uh, Naruto, why do our Pokemon look dead?"

"OH junk! I knew we shouldn't have decided to battle in the desert."

An interviewer guy decides to interview the Naruto characters, or at least the least threatening looking ones. He asks each of them what their favorite movie is and why.

Naruto-"They Care Bears movie. Because they are so fluffy and kawaii!"

Sasuke-"Clifford the Big Red Dog. Because he's a ing dog!" censored for the safety of younger viewers

Sakura-"The Quick and the Dead. Because I love watching people get owned in a good gunfight."

Jiraiya-"Guess who? Because that's the only movie I've been able to watch the whole way through without getting kicked out of the theater for 'inappropriate conduct.'"

Tsunade-"Movie? Cha! Too long and boring. Tv show though, Juniper Lee. Because that bitch kicks arse." Interviewer, "Arse?"

Tsunade-"What? I'm the Harry Potter freak." Interviewer, "But I thought you said you didn't watch movies."

Tsunade-"Not the movies you buttmunch. The books, sheesh get with the program old geezer." Interviewer-eye twitch

Shikamaru-"2 Fast 2 Furious. Because it's like so actiony!"

Chouji-"How to lose a guy in ten days. Because it's a chick flick duh!"

Gai-"Power Rangers!! Because they inspired my outfit."

Lee-"Barney. Because Gai-baka hates that movie."

Orochimaru-"A Great and Terrible Beauty. Because I love historical fiction. All I ever do is read. Hell, I don't even have time for myself anymore."

Kabuto-"Being hot for dummies. Because, let's face it I'm a hideous prude."

Interviewer-"Okay next question. Favorite song and restaurant."

Shino is pmsing. "How the hell do those two things correspond??"

Hinata pwns him violently putting him OOC for 20 episodes. She then says calmly, "They just do dumbass."

Naruto-"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by The Beatles. And Pizza Shack."

Sasuke-"Best of Both Worlds by Hannah Montana. And Girly Passions."

Chouji-"Slit my Throat by Slit my ing Throat. And Olive Garden."

Shikamaru-"Party like a Prostitute by Whore Girlyz. And Hooters."

Jiraiya-"Arthur theme song by the Kiddies. And Chuckie Cheese's."

Pein-"Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles. And Smiling Restaurant."

Itachi-"La Gasolina by Daddy Yankee. And Odio Ingles."


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, people, or places mentioned herein that you may recognize.**

All the Naruto characters get transported to the modern world. Chaos of all kinds ensues.

Orochimaru walks in on a Britney Spears concert. Brit is singing hit me baby one more time. Oro-chan just stomps up there on that stage and punches that chick in the face. Then, he gets jumped by security, including Chuck Norris and Billy Bob Thornton.

Tsunade becomes a schoolteacher at some random institute. All the students will not leave her alone about her breast size. "I told you already you damn ingrates! They're real and size 67D." Everyone of the students passes out from sheer awe and jealousy, depending on their gender.

Gai and Lee go to a Starbucks. "What are you getting Gai-sensei?" A large extra mocha-y 67 ounce coffee, to stimulate my youthfulness!"

"Hai, one for me too, please!"

Gai and Lee drink their beverages. Less than a minute later, "Gai-sensei!" Lee is shooting around like jets are attached to the bottom of his feet. "Whee! Lee, we must always consume these odd drinks. Youthfulness!" Lee grins wildly, "This is even better than the time I was drunk!"

Orochimaru goes into a pet shop. He sees a lethargic python squished into a small glass cage. "The inhumanity." He nearly cries.

Kabuto gets contacts, "Holy crap! Come here Orochimaru-sama!"

"How dare you disturb me watching mime porn, I mean training."

"I can freaking see in all directions. It's like the Byakuugan or something."

Orochimaru then puts a damper on poor Kabuto's spirits by stapling his mouth shut. "And now it's like Kakuzu's sewing ability."

He returns to whatever the heck he was doing earlier.

Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura go in Spencer's.

Naruto is astounded at all the toilet humor paraphernalia.

Sasuke can't get over all the randomly zany bumper stickers and billboards, not to mention the spiky jewelry. "Naruto, this must be a new type of weapon." He holds up a spiked bracelet.

"Yeah, it must be." Naruto agrees, not really paying attention because he's watching a humping Chihuahua.

"Hey, where'd Sakura-chan go?" Naruto and Sasuke look around the store.

The two then here perverted laughter.

They share a look. The two boys find Sakura looking through a sex positions handbook.

"Come on, Sakura, it's time to leave." Sasuke and Naruto have to drag her bodily out of the store.

Deidara discovers play doh. "It's like clay that doesn't go boom and it tastes like salt."

"That is wrong on so many levels," Sasori, who is currently watching Puppetmaster for the 18th time states.

Kiba and Akamaru get cellphones. "Hey Akamaru if you can hear me now, send me a text." Kiba's sneaking around Walmart trying to steal dog food.

Akamaru's text: H/o idk where I am bt I found the food. LOL Ur just slo.

Kiba: "Wtf? Akamaru how did you learn how to text so fast."

Akamaru walks around the corner on two legs, "It's because I'm really the ramen shop guy," he reveals as he steps out of a ridiculously tiny dog outfit.

Kiba: starts singing the Teletubbies song "Dipsy, Tinky Winky, etc."

Another interview this time focusing on favorite actors

Interviewer- not the same one from before this one's name is Richie Rich "Okay favorite actor and why-hey is that chocolate?" Turns the mike on then leaves on his famous horse Charlie, I meant unicorn.

Kakashi-"Halle Berry. She's the cat's meow."

Orochimaru-"Robert De Niro. He's gay."

Richie is back-"No he's not, that's blashemy, blasphemy !" Toru, from Jackie Chan shows up, "Don't make me take that chocolate." "Yes sir" In a calmer voice, "But he really isn't."

Oro-"He plays a gay dude in Stardust." Starts dancing and wearing that outfit that he did on the movie.

Sasuke-"I've seen enough." Leaves Orochimaru for Haku.

Sakura-gets video camera "This I gotta see."

Tonton becomes a run of the mill pig. You know, with the pigsty and the dirty trough and all that jazz.

Pakkun gets dognapped by the dogcatcher. Kiba goes into mourning and buys a cat.

Naruto Date-athon

Regis Philbin-"Okay guys, here's how this works. You each sit at a table with a thick piece of black construction paper between the two of you, then you 'date' for about 10 minutes."

Naruto sits down on one side. Ino sits on the other side. A few minutes in, and the two become fast friends.

Sakura on one side, Kabuto on the other. Five minutes later, the two get into an argument about some stupid medical term, the date ends poorly.

Jiraiya and Anko's goes smoothly, perhaps a little too smoothly. Just use your imagination.

Orochimaru gets Tenten and then Neji pwns him after he tries to show her his 'jutsu' and later his 'snake'.

Sasuke gets Kurenai. One word: awkwardness.

Lee gets Gai sensei. Jump suits and spandex go flying.

Naruto characters soapbox:

Naruto-"Why does everyone think that I'm an idiot who eats nothing but ramen? I can't stand how I'm always portrayed as a dobe and get beat up by Sasuke and Sakura every five seconds, where's the love people?"

Naruto gets all riled up-"Anyways, Sakura you're an ugly forehead."

Sakura-after beating Naruto up "How come everyone constantly makes jokes about my forehead and calls me weak? I'll have you know that I can kill everyone on that show, Cha!"

Sasuke-loses his temper "I'm so tired of everyone calling me emo, I mean, I don't even know what the hell that is!" goes to sulk in the non-emo corner

Tsunade-"Sake tastes like shit. I don't really drink it and I don't really gamble either. It's a cover up for Shizune's bad habits."

Shizune-"Lady Tsunade! You blew my cover! Get'her Tonton!"

Orochimaru-"For the last time, I'm not a pedophile. I'm just gay. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm a pedo. Get it right!"

Kakashi and Jiraiya-"Okay, we admit it. Icha Icha Paradise is nothing but a boring book of ninja techniques, there's no pornography anywhere in it. It's to confuse people."

3rd Hokage-"I'm not dead you idiots. I just took an extended vacation to the Caribbean Islands."

Pain-"I am Naruto's father, but, here's the insane part, I'm also his mother, his brother, and his grandmother."

Kisame-"I'm not a fish, I'm a lizard thingy, dammit!"

Itachi-"I don't have the mangekyo sharingan, heck, I can't even spell mangekyo.

His spelling-mangeckedya

Gai and Lee-"We're not really hideous idiots with bowl-haircuts wearing spandex. We're hot male models wearing spandex." Reveals

Roy Mustang-"Fireball jutsu!"

Entire Uchiha clan-"WTF!?" Kills him

**A/N: Suggestions are welcome.**


	8. Chapter 8

Kabuto and Orochimaru were bored one day. They found Tayuya's makeup stash..oh the insanity that ensued. It included a lot of Barbie Girl singing and stupidity.

Naruto made a youtube video where he did absolutely nothing but eat ramen for three days straight.

Sakura becomes a hardcore Britney Spears wannabe. Clothes, hair, attempts at singing, everything.

Rock Lee tries to sing hard rock, using Shino, Kiba, and Chouji as his back up. The three backups attempt to play hard rock instruments like drums, guitar, etc. and fail miserably.

Naruto enters a spelling bee. He loses in the preliminary round because he can't spell ramen.

Team 7 goes on a trip to New York. Sasuke gets separated from the group and succeeds in getting mugged in the span of 5 minutes. When Kakashi and the others finally find him he's reduced to acting like a wet kitten. Sakura rolls her eyes and tells him to get over it.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura go to the movies to watch Quarantine. Sakura is the only one who doesn't run screaming like a girl out of the theater.

Tsunade makes a pass at Jiraiya and he promptly gets up and leaves.

Konan claims origami is for sissies and refuses to use her uber awesome jutsu anymore.

Ebisu becomes a monk.

Sasuke-"Sakura."

Sakura-(ignores him)

Sasuke-"Sakura, I..um.." blush

Sakura-is finally annoyed "What did you say?!"

Sasuke-confesses his feelings for her and gets kicked into a nearby tree

Sasuke-"Fine, I'll go ask Ino out instead."

Sakura-"I don't care! I've been with Kiba for 4 months!" stomps off

Kisame goes to an aquarium and becomes the next big fish exhibit.

Sakura makes the lowest grade in the class because she was so busy checking Naruto out.

Hinata demands Naruto go out with her and Naruto meekly agrees, frightened of her.

Orochimaru leaves Manda at a pet store because he wants a puppy.

Pikachu becomes Hokage and decides that everyone has to wear ridiculous clothes like Ash Ketchum's. No one argues with her, him, it?

Naruto gets tired of always being the knucklehead ninja and resigns. Therefore Sasuke steps up to become the main character. The show is renamed angry Kid with Chicken Butt Hair who is Second Best to the Knucklehead Ninja. Show ratings drop and the show goes off the air.

Ino throws a fit. "I want a hunting jacket and a coondog now!"

Kiba-"Damn it Akamaru! Why couldn't you have been a cat?"

Chouji goes to a therapist. Thereapist-"What seems to be the problem there Cho-kun?" Chouji-"I don't' know. I just feel like I hate everyone and want the entire world to blow up." Therapist-"Looks like you have Sasuke syndrome. Don't worry there's medicine for it."

A/N: Sorry for the shortness.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I'm going to try out a new format for the next couple of chapters. Hope you guys like.

Extreme makeover style

Naruto dyes his hair pink. "I'm so freaking awesome!"

Lee gets his eyebrows waxed. "I'm so hott!"

Jiraiya gets a new wardrobe. "Did I really wear that crap? What the hell was wrong with me?"

Pein gets rid of his piercings. Konan is yelling at him for it because she thought they were hot. "Why did you get rid of them, now I'll never love you!" Pein-"What they made me look old. You want to date someone's grandpa?" An old grandpa walks by with a ton of piercings. Pein-"I rest my case."

Hinata-"I'm the boldest bitch in town. Damn straight."

Naruto- is frightened

Hinata-"Naruto?!" evil glint

Naruto-gulps "What Hinata-san?"

Hinata-"To the hot springs!" drags him off

Naruto-"Mommy."

Orochimaru poses as Mickey Mouse. All he used was a stick on felt tail. Kids are all like we love you and junk. Kabuto poses as Snow White. They run a day care.

Kiba and Akamaru go to a mosh pit and get moshed. Akamaru-Yap yap yippie Translation: "Let's get moshed!"

Fashion woman: "Sakura sweetie you have the chance to become the most beautiful girl in the world and get whatever man you want."

Sakura-"I don't care. Screw you."

F.W.-"Do you understand what this means? You will be more beautiful than Ino and make Sasuke trip over himself to get you. Um hello?!"

Sakura-"Ino will always be prettier and Sasuke's gay you didn't get the memo?"

Meanwhile

Sasuke and Gai go for a rendezvous. If anyone wants a description use your imagination. Tenten later kills them because she wanted Gai-sensei for herself. Tenten thoughts-weapons mistress plus crazy spandex guy equals crazy ass weapon wielding killing machines

Sasuke and Sakura at the theater. They are watching Saw 30. Another cheap remake of a horror movie that might have been decent the first three times around but after number ten just gets damn stupid.

A girl gets her head chopped off. Sasuke is scared, but tries not to look it. Instead he drinks half of his drink and tries to put the moves on Sakura by trying to hold her hand. Sakura glares at him. "Sasuke what the f are you doing? I'm trying to watch this damned movie."

A bit later Sasuke knocks over the popcorn in fear and Sakura pours coca cola all over his head to punish him for his annoying behavior. "Gosh Sasuke you're such an idiot!" She made him get some more popcorn and her another drink.

By now Sasuke is tired of the movie and just wants to go home. However, the saw guy begins having sex with some girl onscreen. Getting the not so bright idea of flirting with Sakura during the last five minutes of the movie, he puts his arm around her. Sakura screams rape and slams her elbow into his gonads. Needless to say, the two were kicked out of the theater and Sasuke never tried to flirt with Sakura, Lee's Bitch, ever again.

Gai and Lee go off to train.

Gai-sits down on a rock and pulls out Icha Icha Paradise.

Lee-"What the hell are you doing Gai-baka? We've got training to do you big fat lazy lummox!"

Gai-ignores Lee

Lee-"Damn it, Gai dumbass, if I don't train everyone is going to be stronger than me, not just Naruto, Shikamaru, and Chouji who work their asses off every day for 24 hours straight but suck asses like Tsunade and Kaka-blowjob, and Kiba's frickin canine asswipe Akamaru. So suck it up and let's train you pisser!"

Gai-has put his book down by now and starts to cry. "Lee I, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you felt so strongly about-"

Lee-"I don't give a shit about your pretty words and lame excuses. I'm going to get a new sensei one who'll actually get up off his five hundred pound ass cushion."

Gai-runs off to commit suicide but is stopped by Kurenai his lover

Kurenai is wearing a slutty hooker dress. "Gai-kun, (said in sultry tone) what's the matter babe?" She is wrapping herself around him as she tries and succeeds in seducing him.

Gai-"Damn Kurenai forget about my problems let's screw work and have some real fun."

Kurenai-gestures through the trees where she has tied Hinata, Shino, and Kiba upside down from a tree and has Akamaru turning over a fire pit slowly turning like a pig with an apple in his mouth "I'm way ahead of you." The two run off into the moonlight.

A/N: I hope this is funny and not too much of a disappointment. I just have several ideas for multichaptered fanfictions on the way and I want to devote more time to that. I also think shorter in this case may prove to be better. Tell me your thoughts though. And as always suggestions are begged for.


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